howsketchy | (no subject)

[ he listens and mulls it over for a second. ]

People like them don't care about things like hearts. People like Zexion. They were fucked before they died and they ain't like you.

It's powerful. They want that, not their hearts back.

That's hard to say. I believe that some of them truly did wish for their hearts back. Their methods were dirty, but they really did think that being in the Organization would help them get it back. I know that Axel did. Demyx? Luxord? They weren't high enough in the ranks to be trusted with the real secrets.

Others really were simply in it for power. People like-- ... They only wanted to overthrow the Superior. But in the end, Number I fooled them all. None of them know, they all died before that was revealed.

[ ... ]

You sound sad about that.

Do I?

Well, it's not like that matters as much now. Any of them can show up here. Xemnas, Vexen, Marluxia... Anything can happen then.

You scared?

Some of them aren't too... happy with me, but it'll be fine.

What, someone like you's got no shining knight to protect you?

...

Nothing like that. I have my friends, but I can't depend on them all the time.

So what're you gonna do if it someone like that does show up?

I'm not sure. I don't think I will until it actually happens.

Ahhn ...

[ there's a certain looming feeling, like maybe he wants to -- ]

[ he shoves it down. ]

If you got your heart back, would you stop existin' as you are now? Be somebody else?

Because my Other still exists, in order to have a heart I must either take hers or join with her. And by doing the latter, the me that you know won't exist anymore. In the physical sense, at least. I'll be a part of her.

I'd take hers for you.

-- no. Not her.

You'd be free.

I couldn't do that to her.

Why the fuck not?!

I can't.

[ Her voice is quiet, too quiet, and somewhat distant-- like she's recalling something. ]

She's the light of someone who is very important to me. It's because of that person that I... You would have hated how I was before. Before I met that person. I did a lot of bad things, and I ruined a lot of people's lives, but in the end he still forgave me. I guess you can say that he's my knight in shining armor, but he already had a princess.

I can't take that away from him. Or from her, or from Riku, or anyone else. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. I'd be just as bad as the Organization-- or even worse. Because I would have done the one thing that they couldn't: I would have destroyed that person.

Don't tell me I'd'a hated you. "Normal" people might have, the bullshit friends you've made here on Thor might have, but I couldn't care whose life you ruined. You'd still be the girl in the white dress.

... This goes back to you bein' selfish somehow, don't it. [ he remembers that convo. ]

Yeah.

[ You don't know how I ruined them, is all she thinks. ]

I've met a lot of people here. Some of them I've gotten close to, others I haven't, but...

Thank you.

-- Unh?

[ wait, did he just conversation whiplash? ]

Edited 2010-09-09 02:09 (UTC)

You're an important friend to me. I don't know if you think of me as the same, but-- I want to make sure that you know that.

Oh.

[ well this is ... only the second time this has happened. he's only just figured out 'friends', and he doesn't ... know what to do? he was the one who had said it to Gojyo (mockingly, he thinks), and Badou and him had just ... ]

[ accepted it. ]

I dunno how to think that.

I didn't either.

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